Z’s dog, known as Under the Bed Dog, is visiting because she is very stressed at her own house. She is not stressed with us. However, she is stressing us.

She can NOT be outside off lead. I learned my lesson this last time when I chased her in the woods at 3 AM. The husband did not learn this. She ran off on him during this visit. I had to chase her through the woods again. He agreed that she was NEVER to be off lead.

So why, pray tell, was I hearing him call her name over and over at 4 AM? Surely she wasn’t off lead?

The husband appeared and said — wait for it — “Freckles tricked me.”

I was flummoxed. She isn’t known for her cunning. How did she become a criminal mastermind? Turns out he opened the door to let Freckles out and then intended to put the leash on. UTB dog ran out.

So I head out I the woods wearing a bathrobe, sandals, and ankle deep mud. He stays in the yard. I see her by the light of my flashlight app but I can’t get near her. Finally I grab her collar and she screams like she was attacked out of the blue. I get her leashed and drag her back to the yard where the husband says, “Freckles ditched her.”

I reply, “Freckles hates her.”

I get her inside and while the garage door was shutting he tried to unhook her leash. “Don’t…..You……Dare!” I could see her running free again.

I tried to go back to bed. She was so excited that she needed to jump on me repeatedly. I went to the guest bedroom after rinsing my mud filled sandals in the shower and making a mess. I couldn’t go back to sleep. Neither could the husband. He got up and started unloading the dishwasher. Loudly. Just in case I was sleeping and needed to stay awake.

Then he appeared in the guest room. Both dogs and one cat came with him and piled on the bed. I mentioned that I was seeking alone time. He said that they were there to support me in my quest for aloneness. He tried to pet my head to tell me I was a good girl. He poked his finger in my eye.

Then the cat on my pillow and UTBDog got in a fight. The fight took place on top of my face. I gave in and got up.

I’m tired now.