I am still considering whether or not to tan for the wedding. I’m a neurotic about wearing my sunblock so I am a naturally pale person. I’m not a fan of artifically induced wrinkles and skin cancer. Besides when I tried to tan for my own wedding it didn’t really take.

But on the plus side I like tanning beds. I like the warm cocoon and always wish I could stay longer. In theory tanning is beneficial for my psoriasis. And the pale green dress makes me look like walking death.

I tried on the dress to see if it still fit this weekend. (It did.) That led to a tanning and armpit discussion with the mother and future SIL. The SIL says that I don’t look too pale and that my armpits are fine. She however is much paler than I am so it is all relative. My mother didn’t weigh in on the tanning question because she was fascinated by the lumpiness of my armpits. She couldn’t stop staring. That’s why I’ll be wearing the little scarf over my arms.

So with this impass we headed out to ask my father and brother the tanning question. All objectivity was lost when the SIL announced, “Don’t tell her she’s pale!” before I even got to ask the question. My father asked if that was the bridesmaid dress I was wearing. I had to bite back every sarcastic answer that came to my mind about what made him think I’d be wearing strapless beaded light green chiffon for any other reason because the person who picked the dress was standing there.

My brother is proving to be the master of diplomacy though. He was staring at me in a way that made me know that he too was biting back a host of sarcastic comments. He then said slowly, “Not that I’m saying you’re too pale” (nod to future wife) “but a tan wouldn’t kill you.” He’s going to be an ok married person.