I got carded at an R rated movie today.

I’m at an age where the only possible response to, “I need to see some ID,” is a bewildered “What?” Please. I’m 33. I do have a new foundation on but no way no how am I anything close to resembling someone under 17. I thought this was strange but then I watched the rest of movie security and realized that it was just the tip of the iceberg.

Two kids came in the theater after me and a guard told them that one of them was obviously under 17 and to get out. I guess the real 17 year old had bought both tickets or something. Then once the trailers started they kept sending employees in to count heads to make sure the number of people matched up to the number of tickets sold. One girl even had to walk up the down the outside aisle and look in each row to make sure no one was ducking down. This happened repeatedly.

So what was this horrid movie that all young people need to be so vehemently protected from? Clerks 2. Yes, I was at the 1:30 pm showing on opening day. Yes, I am a complete and utter geek who worships at the feet of Kevin Smith. I turned out ok. Didn’t I?

I’m going to tell a lot of people that I got carded. The number of times I’ll be able to say that in my life is rapidly dwindling.

Lately a lot of people have been coming up to me and telling me that I look really good. I have a split second of high self-esteem. But then I realize that they mean that they are happy to see me moving under my own power. It is sort of ego deflating. “Congratulations! You managed not to fall on your butt again!” Yeah, I’m telling everyone that I got carded.