Over at The Republic of T he’s been following a discussion about how people feel about engagement rings and name changes following marriage.

I never had a problem with either of those. But the thing I was unprepared for after I got married was the anger I felt the first time someone called me “Mrs.” After I graduated my father went out of way to use my “Dr” title in conversation. It drove me crazy. I use it at work but I see no reason to use anything other than my first name in my real life. But then as soon as I got married he used “Mrs” in conversation instead of “Dr.” I forget what I said to him but I remember that it was immediate and forceful. He hasn’t used either in conversation since.

The way I think of it is that I would prefer not to have a title used but if you are going to use a title it better be the right one. If I am given a choice of titles on a form that does not include Dr. I always pick Ms. I don’t know if I would feel differently about it if I didn’t have a job where I am referred to as “Dr” all day long. Anything else just sounds weird.

The husband doesn’t understand my hatred of it. Whenever I comment on it when we get mail from someone who should know better he says, “But it’s your name.” I reply that it absolutely is not my name. I must sound very determined about that because he doesn’t argue about it.

Whenever I thought about it before school and marriage I always just assumed I’d use “Mrs” after I got married. I never understood why anyone would use “Ms.” That’s why it surprised me so much to realize how much I do care.